"Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people." (C.Jung).
Growing up, I never really had a huge mass amount of friends, I always had one close best friend. But as I grew up and we became teenagers I started to realise that I wasn't exactly the same as my friends, it always took a lot of effort for me to go to social gatherings as I always felt nervous and awkward going to them.
I've always been a cautious person, whether it's food choices or a place to hang out I was always the one who was doubtful and unsure, and I was always envious of those who were able to just be loud and expressive, not care about the downsides and just do it.
But I'm not like that.
It took me some time to get used to how I was, I was always questioning myself, and worried I wasn't normal. Sometimes it would get to the point whether I'd be nervous to answer 'yes' for my name during the register, and I never understood why.
I once asked a friend at school if they were nervous to answer their name to the register to which they laughed and said "No, why would I be? It's just answering my name." But to me it felt like a much bigger thing than that.
I also found that talking to three or more people made my hands clammy, if people are looking at me whilst talking I tend to stutter and get flustered about what to say.
As I left school and moved to a college where I didn't know anyone I knew it was time for me to make new friends - a hill I was never great at climbing. I made three friends who I kept during college and I was glad I had them although when it came to group work I was always nervous to present it, often shaking and sometimes vomiting.
When I was home one day I started typing into google different words that may have described how I was feeling, that's when I was told by someone that I am an introvert.
I had never called myself an introvert before because I never fully understood the meaning, but once I researched and found out I'm not alone in this, I felt so much better.
And like being who I am is not a bad thing.
I have always struggled with confidence, confidence in my appearance, school work, at work.. It's always been hard for me to feel clever and like I have ability. But since leaving education I've become who I really am, I've experienced things and grown up, I can't say I'm fully happy within myself, or a completely confident person but I can say I'm 100x happier this year than any other years.
My three tips to breaking out of your shell:
1. Make friends with random people. People who you wouldn't necessarily think you would get on with.
2. Wear what you want, not what you think you should.
3. Do something you have never done before by yourself. For me, this was flying by myself. Up until a year ago I had never stepped foot on a plane by myself - I was terrified. Now, I prefer to fly alone!
Hope you've enjoyed reading, it's a bit of a different post to usual..
Natalie xx
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