A Chat With Nat. #1

Hello, hi and welcome! 

So I thought I would introduce a new kind of post to my blog where I just chat (and probably ramble) about things that have bothered me in some type of way over the past month or so(may vary).

Think of it like I'm sharing a diary with you.  

I'm going to talk about different topics, whatever I feel like talking about and I hope you'll like it.. if not that's fine too. 

I sometimes feel like I have things on my chest that I can't get off and what better way than to write a blog post? 

OUTGROWING PEOPLE.

Although I am only 20 - soon to be 21, ahem - I have lived a very different life to some, without getting too deep I came from a broken family per say, my dad walked out when I was 5 and left my mum to take care of 2 children.

Anyway,(told you I would ramble), through my life I have met some amazing people, made great friends and experienced a lot with them. But looking back at memories and people in them I always find myself asking the questions of: where are they? I wonder what they're doing? I wonder if she's still in England? 

Is outgrowing people a bad thing? I have asked myself this question a lot. There's a reason certain people are in the past, and there's a reason they stay there. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like if every friend I had at school and every friend I had at college were still my close friends now. 

I have four amazing people who know me better than anyone else in the world. One friend I've known since I was five, we grew up together and still now to this day meet up when we can. We went from talking about Barbies to boys to makeup to college applications to university applications to rent and it all seems so surreal how much we've changed but our friendship hasn't. 

I never quite understood why some people stay in your life whereas others leave, sometimes it can be for a specific reason and you know you can't continue having them in your life but others just leave for no reason. You contact each other less and less and boom. Its your birthday and they don't wish you a happy birthday. Then the next thing is they're doing things in their life you didn't even know they had planned and they somewhat become just another face on Facebook who you scroll past. 

College was a weird time for me. I went to a college that none of my school friends went to, I basically had to make all new friends again and it made me feel sick. Although I don't mind making friends I worried that I wouldn't and that I'd spend three years of my course sat alone in the corner wishing I was anywhere but there.

But thankfully, that did not happen. 

My first year I made three amazing friends. We did everything together and I truly believed we'd be friends for life.

Then came the second year of college. My class was bigger and I made more friends and sort of, drifted from my three friends. They started doing stuff without me and I realised they were more interested in something that I wasn't. 

My third year of college was the best year. I was 18, I had a car and I made some amazing friends. My three friends all dropped out of my course by then so I kind of had to make new friends again as this course was harder and not many people stayed on to do it. I made two amazing friends who I even at one point called my best friends. We'd go on the craziest nights out, go on drives at stupid hours and have girly days with food and movies. 

But then came me getting my first nanny job in Switzerland. The second I moved there, I spoke with no one from college. They kind of just.. forgot about me. At first I was hurt, but I understand now. 

I moved on to find new friends and new experiences whereas everyone else from college were kind of just continuing the life I once lead. And that's okay, but I realised it wasn't my life anymore. 

The moral of the story is: it's a hundred percent okay to outgrow people.

BODY SHAMING.

We're in 2016 yet body shaming is still a thing. Putting people down is still a thing. 

I never really got what the point of body shaming is, I don't want to go into technicalities about bigger or smaller people, I think we should just let people live how they want and not comment on it. If they're a happy size 16 - let them be happy. If they're a happy size 6 - let them be. Bringing someone else down to make yourself feel better is never and will never be in style.

But being nice will.

SNAPCHAT DOG FILTER.

Now, if you have snapchat you'll know that the app has a plethora (God, swallow a dictionary Natalie??) of different filters ranging from face swap to having your mouth as eyes, turning from a devil to a angel and even being a crazy rabid bunny. 

But the one filter I cannot tolerate is the dog filter. Now, I don't hate what it looks like, or the fact the tongue sticks out when your open your mouth. I hate how it is used. 

Now I don't agree with people calling it a 'hoe filter' that's just a slur people use on social media to get more likes. I just don't get when someone lets say, is going to the shop they then decide to use the filter and caption it: 'off to the shop'. (Not based on a true story) (totally is). Now, I don't mind if you just post the selfie of the dog but to then caption it that you're going to the shop is completely pointless to me.

Let's not get started about people using it as their Twitter/Facebook photo, shall we?

SPRING IS HERE. NOBODY PANIC. 

It's the time of year where the clocks go forward, it's also that time of year where you say "Spring? It's April already? But it was just Christmas yesterday?!" 

If you're saying this too, you are not alone. 

Although I'm glad I can finally put away the thick coats and knee high boots I'm also not that excited about Spring. Spring is probably my least favourite season, even after winter - at least with winter you can wear a huge thick jumpers and leggings and call it an outfit but in Spring you can't do that. It's not hot enough for bare legs yet thick tights are uncomfortable. No jacket is good enough and don't get me started on what shoes to wear - boots? too hot, sandals? far too cold, pumps? maybe but when it gets darker it's then colder and you're back to square one again.

Spring, I'm happy you're here but you're not that welcome. I miss you Summer.

MADE IN CHELSEA IS BACK.

So, if you love MIC just as much as I do and have watched it since it started then you'll be happy that it's finally back gracing our tv screens.

I have watched it since the very first episode back in 2011 when everyone was asking 'will they, won't they?' with Caggie and Spencer, when Boulle was in it(MISS YOU BOULLE), Ollie and Gabriella dated(lol) and Lucy, Jamie and Louise weren't even in it(weird, right?!) 

I'm not a huge tv person but there are very few tv series that I watch and love; MIC being one of them.

I was a little disappointed to learn that Spencer wouldn't be in this series, he's been in it since the beginning and I guess I thought he would always be in it - even though he is a massive a-hole he's kind of like MIC royalty. 

I think Rosie, Binky, Ollie and Mark-Francis are the only originals left now, Jamie was introduced series 2 along with Victoria and Louise. Lucy came in series 4 which I cannot believe - I feel like they've been in it years. 

Anywaaaaay, I'm glad it's back - I'm excited to see how things turn out for Binky and JP(she needs to dump him), and I don't like the new Olivia girl. I did laugh when Sam called Tiff(his girlfriend) Toff who is his girl bestfriend - Freudian slip there mate?

LIKED: The fact it's back, how sassy Lucy is and the awkward exchange between Sam and Tiff.

DISLIKED: No Spenny or Proudlock(my bae). 

So that's all I have to talk about today but I'm sure there's going to be lots more! 

Thanks for reading!

Natalie xx

MUSIC: Positive Playlist.

Hi, hello and welcome! In a previous blog post where I spoke about being positive I mentioned my positive playlist that I listen to whenever I want a 'pick me up'.

So, I decided I would share with you my positive playlist so you could either make one of your own or take some of my songs and listen to cheer you up too.

Not all songs are new, but they're what make me feel happy :-)

Also, if you want to, you can follow me on Spotify where my playlist is, it's just called 'POSITIVE'.

Tori Kelly - Unbreakable Smile.

G.R.L - Show Me What You Got.

Rixton - I Like Girls.

One Direction - Happily, Better Than Words, Kiss You.

Conor Maynard - Talking About.

Chris Brown - Beautiful People.

Nicki Minaj & Beyoncé - Feeling Myself.

Meghan Trainor - Bang Dem Sticks.

Becky G - Shower.

Jess Glynne - Ain't Got Far To Go.

Jojo ft Bow wow - Baby It's You.

James Arthur - You're Nobody Until Somebody Loves You, Certain Things, Recovery, Get Down, Is This Love?

Rita Ora - I Will Never Let You Down.

Justin Bieber - Thought Of You, Be Alright, Confident.

Rihanna - Lost In Paradise, Do Ya Thang, If It's Lovin' That You Want, Music Of The Sun.

Beyoncé - XO, End Of Time.

Mariah Carey - Fantasy, I'll Be Loving You Long Time.

Ariana Grande ft Zedd - Break Free.

Daniel Huttlestone, Cast Of Into The Woods - Your Fault. 

Cheryl - Crazy Stupid Love.

Katy Perry - Roar.

Coldplay - Yellow.

Clean Bandit ft Jess Glynne - Rather Be.

McFly - Room On The Third Floor, Cherry Cola, Love Is Easy.

Kanye West - POWER.

Karmin - Broken-hearted.

Jason Derulo - Want To Want Me, Wiggle.

B.o.B - So Good, Don't Let Me Fall, Both Of Us ft Taylor Swift.

Bob Marley - One Love.

Jessie J ft Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj - Bang Bang.

Taylor Swift - Mean, 22, Welcome To New York, Red, Mine.

Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks.

Jhène Aiko - Bed Peace, W.A.Y.S, Brave.

Cassidy - Hotel.

Destiny's Child - Say My Name, Girl.

Aaliyah - More Than A Woman.

Justin Timberlake - Señorita, SexyBack.

Fabulous ft Ashanti - Into You.

Whitney Houston - It's Not Right But It's Okay, Million Dollar Bill, My Love Is Your Love.

TLC - No Scrubs.

The 1975 - Girls.

HAIM - If I Could Change Your Mind, The Wire.

Imagine Dragons - On Top Of The World.

Sigma ft Ella Henderson - Glitterball.

Nicole Scherzinger - Your Love.

Trey Songz - Bottoms Up ft Nicki Minaj, LOL :-) ft Gucci Mane.

Little Mix - Move.

Cody Simpson - Pretty Brown Eyes. 

Stooshe - Hoochi Mumma.

Olly Murs - Beautiful To Me, Up.

The Vamps - Somebody To You, Last Night.

5 Seconds Of Summer - Good Girls.

Magic! - Rude.

Ed Sheeran - Tenerife Sea, Little Bird.

There you have it! My positive playlist :-) Until next time..

Natalie xx

Self Confidence.

Hello, hi and welcome! Today's post I'm going to talk about self confidence. 

I knew from a young age about body image, not in a negative way but I knew about weight loss and weight gain, I was brought up in an open family who often talked about topics like that.

Personally, I wouldn't want my future children to be aware of their body image until necessary, but unfortunately in today's society it's oneiif the most criticised part of us.

Body image isn't the only factor of self confidence - let's not stray from what self confidence actually is.

You can show self confidence through the way you interact with others whether verbally, physically or even with eye contact.

I for one am not a very confident person, and I have learnt throughout my teenage years how to deal with it so it doesn't hinder me from achieving what I want.

 That's a key issue with self confidence - it stops people from believing. Beliveing in themselves, believing they can do something or that they look fine without makeup.

I know what areas I am not confident in, and I'm not ashamed to admit it either. I'm not confident without top layer eye liner, it's actually ridiculous how comfortable and happy I feel with a black line and a cat flick.

I am also not confident with maths, I have always struggled with maths from when I was around 6/7, I didn't have very good teachers for a few years and it really knocked my confidence. It was also frustrating because I always excelled in other areas of school like P.E, English and languages - I just never got the hang of maths.

Throughout my teen years I found I have really grown with my self confidence, I was painfully shy as a child. I was always the child who sat reading a book scared of the world - and I guess in some sense I'm still that child, just with a better understanding of social skills and self confidence.

I have found ways to improve my self confidence, and although I am no expert I felt that because I have lived and am living through it I'd like to share my tips with you too.

- PLAN AHEAD.

I always think planning ahead can really help whether it be for a family party(my worst nightmare, my anxiety really plays out with these sort of events), a journey somewhere - this could be to town or to another city by yourself, a college or university assignment - I always planned my assignments before doing them so I could look at what I had to do in order to complete them so I didn't go off target i.e: twitter.

-  PUT YOURSELF IN NEW SITUATIONS.

I have done this a variety of times, sometimes through a choice of my own, others not. 

I chose to go to a new college that none of my friends went to, I had to make a brand new group of friends and learn how to interact with new people - this was when I really learnt that you canNOT like everybody in life and vice versa. 

 I was enrolled in Tae Kwon Do lessons by my mum and dad because I was bullied for a little while. I wasn't the worst in all fairness, I made new friends and learnt how to kick and punch correctly, but I quit after three years because I became a teenager who thought the internet was the only important thing in life(still do). 

My biggest new situation(I don't know if that makes sense but let's go with it..) is that I moved out at 19 across to Switzerland. I knew no one, I was with a brand new family and I was very, very anxious. But hey, it was the best thing I've ever done and I'd do it again and again.

- LIST YOUR STRENGTHS.

When I'm feeling anxious or unhappy or just low I have a diary where I vent, it's usually filled with ramblings about places I've visited in Switzerland, but I also set myself a challenge where I write ten things I'm good at and by the end of it I always feel better.

- DECIDE WHAT ACTUALLY MATTERS.

When I was eleven, a 'friend' of mine told me my nose was too big in a photo. This knocked my confidence completely, even at eleven. And still to this day, eight nearly nine years later I still delete photos, or untag photos on Facebook if I think my nose is too big. It's my biggest hurdle to get over mentally, I've had people tell me my nose is fine etc but to me it doesn't matter, I see what I see. 

But I've also had other criticisms such as:

"You're far too skinny."

"You have really small eyes."

"You have big feet for a girl."

"You have really long, weird fingers."

"You're shoulders are broad for a girl."

But I decided very quickly what I found were important factors, but then I thought about all of the things said to me and realised they're all criticisms of my appearance, not my personality. And I then realised that it is far more important what people think of your personality, than your image.

I mean, I'd rather someone think I'm a funny person than a pretty one.

This is how I started to build my confidence, I stopped picking myself apart because of others. I stopped tearing myself to pieces to make others whole. It's much more important to be nice than look nice. 

And that's when I decided to make new friends, meet new people.

I'm not here to tell you what to do at all, but I will tell you to carry on being yourself, because if you're trying to be like someone else think about in ten years time, will you still want to be like them?

It's impossible to become confident over night, I wish I could. Self confidence is an on-going process that only you can improve on.

So just keep going.

Thanks for reading, until next time..

Natalie xx

Being Introvert.

Hello, hi and welcome to a little bit of a different blog post. Today I wanted to talk about being introvert.

"Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people." (C.Jung).

Growing up, I never really had a huge mass amount of friends, I always had one close best friend. But as I grew up and we became teenagers I started to realise that I wasn't exactly the same as my friends, it always took a lot of effort for me to go to social gatherings as I always felt nervous and awkward going to them.

I've always been a cautious person, whether it's food choices or a place to hang out I was always the one who was doubtful and unsure, and I was always envious of those who were able to just be loud and expressive, not care about the downsides and just do it.

But I'm not like that.

It took me some time to get used to how I was, I was always questioning myself, and worried I wasn't normal. Sometimes it would get to the point whether I'd be nervous to answer 'yes' for my name during the register, and I never understood why. 

I once asked a friend at school if they were nervous to answer their name to the register to which they laughed and said "No, why would I be? It's just answering my name." But to me it felt like a much bigger thing than that.

I also found that talking to three or more people made my hands clammy, if people are looking at me whilst talking I  tend to stutter and get flustered about what to say.

As I left school and moved to a college where I didn't know anyone I knew it was time for me to make new friends - a hill I was never great at climbing. I made three friends who I kept during college and I was glad I had them although when it came to group work I was always nervous to present it, often shaking and sometimes vomiting.

When I was home one day I started typing into google different words that may have described how I was feeling, that's when I was told by someone that I   am an introvert.

I had never called myself an introvert before because I never fully understood the meaning, but once I researched and found out I'm not alone in this, I felt so much better.

And like being who I am is not a bad thing.

I have always struggled with confidence, confidence in my appearance, school work, at work.. It's always been hard for me to feel clever and like I have ability. But since leaving education I've become who I really am, I've experienced things and grown up, I can't say I'm fully happy within myself, or a completely confident person but I can say I'm 100x happier this year than any other years.

My three tips to breaking out of your shell:

1. Make friends with random people. People who you wouldn't necessarily think you would get on with.

2. Wear what you want, not what you think you should.

3. Do something you have never done before by yourself. For me, this was flying by myself. Up until a year ago I had never stepped foot on a plane by myself - I was terrified. Now, I prefer to fly alone!

Hope you've enjoyed reading, it's a bit of a different post to usual.. 

Natalie xx

RANDOM: Things That Make Me Happy.

So, recently I've been having really low days where I've just felt run down and sad. I haven't been sad for any particular reason; just an accumulation of things such as the stresses from my job, managing how I spend my own money, missing home, feeling lonely. 

So to pick myself up and make myself feel better I wrote down every day this week things/people/places etc that make me happy.

So here goes..

- Twix chocolate bars.

- Waking up a minute before my alarm clock.

- Watching the sun rise with a cup of tea.

- The perfect cup of tea.

- Bacon sandwiches with ketchup.

- Watching Friends reruns.

- Listening to my little sister tell me stories.

- The way my baby brother says my name.

- Having the right amount of money for something.

- Fuzzy socks.

- Shouting the lyrics to my favourite song as loud as possible.

- Finding old photos and remembering the memories.

- Fish & Chips.

- Unpredicted nights out.

- Finding money hidden in my bag.

- Pinterest app.

- When my cat decides to sleep on me for two hours.

- Dungarees.

- Cornflakes.

- Harry Styles' tweets.

- Planning surprises.

- Sunsets in Switzerland.

- Tumblr.

- The movie 17 Again.

- My cats generally.

- Reading a really good book and finding out there's a sequel.

- Olive crackers(Swiss ones).

- Becky(best friend).

- Seeing family members who live far away.

- Playing with the sand with my toes.

- The heat when you get off the plane somewhere hot.

- Nail varnish.

- New bed sheets.

- Feather pillows.

- Spaghetti bolognese.

- Watching London Fashion Week on my laptop.

- Spring time.

- Maxi dresses.

- Pringles.

- Cat eye sunglasses.

- Peach flavoured ice tea.

- Taking my hair out after a long day.

- Parking in a spot perfectly.

- Sam Smith's cover of How Will I Know.

- Chinese food.

- Christmas Day.

- Bad Education(tv show).

- Sales.

- Dolphins.

- McDonald's McChicken sandwich meal.

- Hot chocolate.

- Pomegranate shower gel.

- Reliable friends.

- Finding a quote that suits exactly how I feel.

- Sleeping until 1.

- The middle of August.

- Maid in Manhattan movie.

- Huge jumpers.

- Pyjamas bottoms.

- When my makeup cooperates with me.

- New makeup brushes.

- The smell of new books.

- Sour cream and chive pretzels.

- Starbucks Christmas cups.

- Limited edition bags in shops.

- Gavin & Stacey reruns.

- Strawberry Jelly.

- Mint Chocolate Chip icecream.

- Finding untouched snow and walking on it.

- Collared shirts.

- Burgundy colour.

- The film 'Maleficent'.

- Theme parks.

- London.

- Getting into bed after being away on holiday for a week.

- Meeting someone and realising they're just like you.

- Gregg's chicken bakes.

- Ice skating outdoors.

- A hot shower after a long day.

- People who say "have a nice day/enjoy your day!"

- Rings.

-  New phone cases.

- Singing badly on snapchat.

- Warm Chocolate muffins.

- Concerts.

- People saying 'I trust you.'

- Scarborough beach.

- Being appreciated.

- Having a neat wardrobe.

- Finding lots of hair grips/clips.

- Taking off my makeup at night.

- Music channels without ad breaks.

- Clothes.

I'm sure there are plenty of other things that make me happy but this is what I thought of so far, maybe I'll keep adding to it, who knows?!

Thanks for reading, until next time..

Natalie xx